Monday, March 18, 2013

Committing Blasphmey for Nerds or Why I am Buying the Stars Wars OT Blu-Ray Set

    So I have decided to buy the original Star Wars trilogy on Blu-Ray despite the seemingly blasphemous (at least to Star Wars nerds) changing of the original films by George Lucas. I did not do this without paining about it for at least a week. Why did I eventually cave? Mainly because it costs $40, but also because when in came right down to it, the improved visuals and sound outweighed the scenes that Lucas changed. When you come right down to it, all the scenes that everybody made such a big fuss about are either not as bad as everyone makes them out to be, or so short it doesn't matter. I will address some of the individual scenes below, leaving the most egregious ones for last
  1) The CGI Jabba/Han Solo scene: Not as terrible as everyone makes it out to be. Yes there's a crappy CG Jabba the Hut and a really weird edit where Han has to CGI step over Jabba's tail. This is because in the original scene Harrison Ford walks behind another actor who is subbing for Jabba. But you all knew that already. Plus to this scene (or another minus if you want to be really pissy about it)? Five second shot of Boba Fett mugging at the camera.
 2) Weird added animals to Mos Eisley spaceport and the extra Stormtrooper scenes on Tatooine: Also, not as as as everyone makes it out to be, and all the scenes last like 5 seconds at post. This applies to a lot of the little extras added for the re-release for the Trilogy in the late 90s. So release your asshole and get over it
3) Replacement of the "YubYub" scene at the end of Jedi: I have been very open about never liking the original song all that much to begin with. So sue me.
4) Really aggressively stupid musical scene in Jabba's Palace scene: Yeah, I agree with all of you, it's as bad as you made it out to be. Still, not enough to overrule the $40 pricetag
5) Putting ghost Hayden Christensen at the end of Jedi: Yeah, fuck that, that's some sacrilegious shit. I mean if you're going to do that, why not replace Alec Guinness with Ewan McGregor while you're at it? God-fucking-dammnit!
6) Greedo shoots first: Do I really need to explain this? This is one of the few of these that actually fundamentally changes your introduction to a major character. Plus, the edit is so fucking awkward looking.

  But ultimately there's two factors that make this decision for me: 
1) Even the most horrible of these scenes is at most only a few moments long and for the price, I can actually live with them and still enjoy the rest of film. I've reached a point in my life when I just can't be on board with nerd detail bitching anymore. Mechanical web-shooters versus organic? I don't give a shit. Is the core of the characters and the film intact? Yes? Then everything else is just a minor detail. With the changes to Star Wars, the only change that qualifies as a major change is Greedo shooting first, and even that scene is what? Three seconds? I can skip over it and pretend it never happened.
2) I am really, really tired of all this "recapturing the feeling from my childhood" shit. What I've discovered is that when you actually come back to those things as they were originally conceived, nine times out of ten that thing wasn't as good as you remember it. The original Star Wars movies are great, enjoyable, popcorn films. I love them, we all do. I love me some Extended Universe shit too. I own five lightsabers and a giant Millennium Falcon toy. But are they masterpieces of modern cinema? No, they're actually kind of derivative of a lot of stuff that came before them, especially Kuroswa's films. Return of the Jedi is actually kind of a lame rehash of the first film (Also, remember the  Ewoks? I rest my case). Any of you who tries to argue otherwise needs to release your hopelessly tight nerd assholes.

Look, I know a lot of you fellow nerds are going to jump down my throat for all this. And that's fine, you have the right to disagree with me. I'll even grant that some of my points may be flat out wrong, I'm okay with that. But when you come right down to it, when it's only $40, I think you're getting exactly what you pay for.

I'm still never going to buy the prequels, because those just suck big fat elephant scrotum...

1 comment:

  1. As a non nerd (well not about this anyway) I will say :1,2 and 3: don't care. 4,5 and 6 are unacceptable. And since I am now showing these movies to my five year old for the first time ever, this stuff is super important. :-) Oh, and she saw Episode 1 this weekend and thankfully Jar Jar was not too memorable. (That damn deer thing!)